what is this
suspense.


Its 4:08am now and I'm not asleep.
I wasn't studying.

I noticed a few things about myself:
(learnt from a not-so-great night)



I really dislike/am afraid of taking the intiative
(but haven't asked myself why)

I'd rather sit and wait all day and leave, disappointed, than to be the one to start the ball rolling. It doesn't matter whether I actually really want something or not, or whether its a duty, or a responsibility.

Actually, its not "I'd rather". I'd love to take the initiative but I just don't dare to, or don't know how to. There are exceptions but this it it in general terms. Doesn't matter whether I'm at school or at home. The latter's more about responsibilities.

I also noticed that in a conversation, I can be EXTREMELY quiet if the person does not speak first, but once he/she does, I'll start talking alot. Is that strange or normal behaviour?



I'm very afraid of drifting away from my friends
and I believe time can bridge gaps or wash away ties.



I like people to tell me the truth and what they truly feel,
to hurt me at that moment because of that but at least that's better than sugar coating stuff which won't solve the root of the problem. The truth hurts, but not for long.



I think too much sometimes,
and might even get paranoid from a small gesture or a short phrase.




Its 4:30 am, I'm tired.
Goodnight.

Hanging by a thread